Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
