i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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