dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
