Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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