I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
