Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
