Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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