On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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