Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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