so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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