you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
