My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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