I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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