I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
