And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
