NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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