honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
