She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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