I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
