There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
