I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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