shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize