I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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