This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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