I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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