then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
