i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
