I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize