apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
