Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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