i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
