He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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