Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am spending my child support on dildos
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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