I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's Friday. Sex?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
