sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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