My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
