It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
