those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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