just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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