You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
