Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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