When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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