wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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