Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
