Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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