We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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