dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
