That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
