New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
