She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Such a big mess for such a small penis
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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