So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
