what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
