I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
