planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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