yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
