If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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