remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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