I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
