Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I want her autograph on my taint
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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