6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
