im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
