im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
