Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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