Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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