did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We need a shit load of segways right now
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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