Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
