yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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