Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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