hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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