I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh god it's open bar.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
