I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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