yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
