I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
