i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
