Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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